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Animals We Love

July 6, 2009

Last month we premiered Scotty Richardson's e-mails that chronicled his life with his Golden Retriever pack. This month we bring the second half of those letters that continue to follow Earnie, Burt and Porkchop, and introduce you to Harlow, a sweet blond beauty with a heart as big as they come.

Again, the stories are presented in the order they were written (the date is at the top of each mail).

If there is an animal in your life that you’d like to tell us about, write me. If we use your story we'll send you a free pound of cookies!

The Richardson Goldens . . . Snapshots in Time, part II

March 23, 2006

Poop, The Scoop---

Once again the succulent subject of canine crap eating has reared its ugly head. Having spent many good years with our departed Peggy Sue--known world-wide as "The Fecal Gourmet", I feel this is a subject I can get my teeth into. Now, Peggy Sue was not your average turf taco nibbler. She was unique given the fact that she only ate her OWN lawn offerings. When you have three dogs, that's an important fact. She was discriminating in her tastes. Those of you having been on the lists long enough surely remember our many experiments designed to discourage Peggy Sue from poop noshing. We even went so far as to take her to a doggie Psychiatrist. I'll never forget her words [at roughly $5 each]! "Poop is to a dog as chocolate is to a human. You wouldn't leave a bunch of Hershey kisses laying next to a trail, would you?"

OK, the question I was afraid to ask remains--HOW did this woman come by this, er, nugget she shared with us? Think about if you want. Personally, I don't want to go there.

Now, with a dog like Peggy Sue it was easy to try trapping her in the act, find ways to discourage her gourmet garbage gut. So we read up on "coprofilia". I'm not sure if I spelled it right but it's a nice sounding term for crap eating. Ah, yes, leave it to the scholars! They DO know, er, well, you know. Ah, the many so called cures we tried. Habenero pepper sauce. This stuff will eat holes in your tile floors, it's so hot. Watch where Piggers pooped and sneak out and season the turd with hot sauce. Stand around the corner and watch her sneak up on the berm burrito! The look on her face as she proceeded to eat the whole pile said "Oh wow! Mexican!" Then there was the meat tenderizer sauce. Just made for tender lawn tacos. Spinach. Loved it, made her strong like Popeye! My all-time favorite was the experiment with "flying feces"! Take one large rat trap--not a mouse trap, a RAT trap. Set it carefully and place it upside down on the lawn. Now, this next part is tricky. Wear rubber clothes. I didn't. The trick is to camouflage the trap while carefully placing the latest leavings on top of it. If you're not careful this can-- backfire. It's important to know that a rat trap set upside down can hurl a gob of flying feces roughly 60 feet. I know, because that's how far away the neighbors' house is. Also check for windage and trajectory if you have neighbors adjacent to you. Don't ask how I know. This is doubly important if the neighbors don't have dogs. Suffice it to say this particular experiment backfired. In the end-- Peggy Sue won. The only sure thing was following her with the pooper scooper. You can't win 'em all.

Burt [I experimented with feces feasting--but I quit when the folks hollered at me. It didn't taste too good, anyway.]

Earnie [Eat it? I don't even like to step in it. Being blind I just have to hope the folks cleaned up the yard.]

Porkchop [Wow, way cool, dad. Tasty subject. NOT! Ugh, we princesses would never stoop so low.

The Adventure dogs!

Earnie, CGC, TDI, TDIA, TDIAOV, PFTD, SD

Porkchop PFTD, CGC, TDIA & Burton, CGC, TDI, PFTD

Living In SW Washington With

Scotty & Michael Richardson, OF

September 16, 2006

A "BONK" in the night---

I wonder how many other folks out there have dogs that go out the door at warp speed, in full-on "kill" mode--even if there's nothing there? Now, back when Becky was alive, if she took off out the back door like there was something to chase--she was usually right. Becky hated coyotes. On at least one occasion as she was going out the door, she spotted a coyote standing just on the other side of the fence. She never even slowed down for the fence, slamming into it so hard it's a miracle she didn't break her neck. But coyotes learned to stay clear of Becky, and running out the door in "kill" mode wasn't

necessary very often.

Unfortunately, Burton, AKA "The Buffoon" has, of late, decided that on final potty break before bed it's necessary to lock and load before tearing out the door barking frantically. At nothing. You know, just in case? Maybe someday there'll be something out there

worth barking at?

Now--we don't allow barking at this house. Unless there's a reason.

The dogs all know that going out and barking means an unhappy human will bolt out the door and rush their blonde barking butts back in the house.

Unfortunately, Burt doesn't have a long memory. Perhaps in the 3-5 minute range. Nor does he learn quickly. Daily, he forgets the rules and is reminded that barking is a no-no. OK, usually just as I open the door to let the fur-brats outside for a pee break I say "NO BARKING" in my biggest, baddest voice. Generally this results in a bark-less pee break.

Awright, so most of you say "who cares" if the dogs bark a little. Aha! You don't have a blind dog, do you? One dumb enough to trust Burt's false signals of duress! So here's what happened last night----

All three dogs were lined up to go out. Burt, as usual, crowds in front. Hapless Blind Earnie is behind Burt. Porkchop stands back a bit, knowing what's probably coming. I issue my "NO BARK" command, finger pointed right in Burt's face. I open the door. Instead of Burt starting to bark immediately, he paused long enough to get across the

patio and out into the yard. Earnie was still feeling his way across the patio. Then Burt goes ballistic, sounding the alarm that dog- eating pygmies have invaded the yard. Earnie, reacting to the alarm forgets where he is and makes a left turn toward Burt's barking. Earnie can accelerate from zero to warp speed in about three paces. Warp speed was what he was running at when he ran head first into one of Michael's potted trees. These are BIG pots, weighing maybe 200 pounds. Earnie hit that pot so hard I watched his ass end ascend about a foot off the cement. Alarmed, and afraid he'd injured himself I ran out to where he was standing, sort of--loopy. He then gave me

the sign that all Golden Retriever owners have seen many times. The Cheesy "I meant that" grin. Becky gave that grin when she tried to chase a squirrel that was on the wrong side of a sliding glass door. Peggy Sue did it every time we caught her eating turf tacos. Funny, Burt and Porkchop never do it. Porkchop, of course never does anything that dumb. Burt just backs up and takes another run at whatever impeded his progress in the first place. Anyway, Earnie is fine, and I'm sure Burt is not cured of barking at shadows. Sigh.

Burt [I tell ya it was 10 feet tall and had a gun!]

Earnie [I'm coming to the rescue--BONK!--in just a minute or so--]

Porkchop [Stupid boys. I just walked to the edge of the patio and pissed on the cement. The grass was wet. I don't do wet grass.]

The Adventure dogs!

Earnie, CGC, TDI, TDIA, TDIAOV, PFTD, SD

Porkchop PFTD, CGC, TDIA & Burton, CGC, TDI, PFTD

Living In SW Washington With

Scotty & Michael Richardson, OF

October 1, 2006

Blind Corner

It's 5:30 PM and Michael and I are still eating in the family room. Dogs got fed at 5 PM. They have internal clocks, as all dog people know. Also, feeding a dog is like hooking 220 volts to a 110 volt motor. It'll go fast for a while, then burn out. So it is with dogs.

While we try to enjoy our evening repast, eating while watching the news--BTW during these political ad stints I get gas. Just felt like sharing that. Sorry. So, where are the dogs at 5:30 PM? Black Burt and Blind Earnie are in the living room faux-fighting. Actually, Earnie gets really amorous on a full stomach [never worked for me]

and is really much more interested in humping his latest paramour, a 4-foot tall stuffed duck. I know, I know, it's usually a bear, or a sheep, or---well when you get old and you go in the bar to pick up girls, you just have to lower your standards, don't you? So it is with Earnie and Humpty-Duck. Yeah, I know what rhymes with DUCK but we won't go there, this is PG rated. OK, when we last checked, Earnie was trying, with little success, to hump the duck. Problem is, Black Burt is trying with his full 80 pounds to pull the duck out from under Earnie. Disrupts the rhythm, don't you know?? So Earnie, thwarted, gives up on the duck and in a fit of faux rage, goes after Black Burt who is now dragging the pitiful duck toward the stairs leading to the basement. The noise level is thunderous! Down the stairs flies Black Burt, dragging hapless duck. Earnie, running blindly throws himself down the stairs after Black Burt. Unfortunately, there is a 90 degree turn at the bottom of the stairs and Black Burt has the inside track forcing Earnie to make an outside turn. Earnie tried to turn, slamming his head and shoulder into the wall at the stair bottom. I see this and think "that had to hurt" but does it slow Earnie down in his duck quest?? Noooo! Earnie manages to sink his fangs into the duck and applies the brakes, pulling Hump-D- Duck loose from the frothing jowls of Bad Black Burt. Black Burt retaliates! He dives on Earnie's muscular neck, once again playing havoc with rhythmic humping. Finally the alpha dog [me] throws a body block into Black Burt's shoulder allowing Blind Earnie to get-hr- done!

Just another night at the Richardson's.

Oh, where is Porkchop during all this? Like a good princess, sitting on her throne giving a wide berth to the testosterone raging about her. Boys. Huh!

Earnie [I finally get a nice big duck to---hump and Burt keeps interrupting me!]

Burt [Because I have never caught on to the fine art of humping a woobie, I have decided that if I can't do it, neither can Earnie!]

Porkchop [Just as long as they don't EVER try humping me, I'll let them live.]

The Adventure dogs!

Earnie, CGC, TDI, TDIA, TDIAOV, PFTD, SD

Porkchop PFTD, CGC, TDIA & Burton, CGC, TDI, PFTD

Living In SW Washington With

Scotty & Michael Richardson, OF

November 26, 2006

Cookies Improve Hearing

Ah, yessss. Earnie, having passed the age 10 mark is beginning to do some typical "old dog" stuff. Of course, it's not his fault that he's gone blind. Could have happened to anyone. Just the way the mop flops. But some of his other "habits" are beginning to be strangely reminiscent of Peggy Sue and Becky's older days.

#1. He no longer just goes out and takes a healthy dump in one spot. He seems to need to be moving to do any good. So, he slips along in a squatting position, pooping in a long line. Sometimes it's not a straight line, either. He can do 90 degrees and continue pooping. No big deal, except trying to clean the land mines out of the grass becomes more dangerous. Likely as not, as you search the yard you'll find yourself standing in a turf taco while scooping the obvious piles. Interesting, too, is the fact that he ***never*** steps in a pile of poop. I have witnessed him actually "hopping" over a berm burrito rather than step in it. Considering he's stone blind -- pretty amazing, actually.

#2. Final Potty recall. Peggy Sue was queen of the "I can't hear you" routine. Usually with Piggers, after trying to get her in by calling her sweetly didn't work, you could raise your voice and threaten kicking her furry butt into next week. As a rule, that got her attention. She never had her butt kicked, but somehow that sounded ominous to her. Or maybe she just knew I was getting ticked off. Anyhow it worked. But not with Earnie. A typical night time recall: "Earnie! Come on in, boy!" No reaction. Repeat same, add gusto. No reaction, except to lower his nose and sniff away in the wrong direction. It's raining and 40 degrees out there, and I am NOT enjoying this little game. So I use my secret weapon. "Earnie! COOKIE!" This elicits an immediate response, causing the blind boy to actually run across the lawn, miss running into the pots on the patio, veritably threading the needle in his rush through the door. I lock the door. Walk up the stairs. Earnie is in the kitchen, directly under the cookie jar, along with Burt and Porkchop, who were upstairs but heard the "cookie" word. Perhaps there's government grant money available here, you suppose??

Porkchop [I can rush in and wait by the cookie jar. Earnie takes care of the rest!]

Burt [Earnie is good for something, I guess! ]

Earnie [I hear what I need to hear, so what's your problem??]

The Adventure dogs!

Earnie, CGC, TDI, TDIA, TDIAOV, PFTD, SD

Porkchop PFTD, CGC, TDIA & Burton, CGC, TDI, PFTD

Living In SW Washington With

Scotty & Michael Richardson, OF

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Date: March 17, 2009

Harlow, Juvie, Empath?

Anyone having been on these lists for some time knows that we've worked our dogs in Juvie for about 12 years now. Earnie spent a good 10 years working with the kids before we had to retire him because of old age, which, unfortunately creeps up on us all. Sigh. A couple of years ago the program [Earnie was the only dog in there] sort of fell apart.

Michael and I made the decision we could help out elsewhere and possibly do more good. About 6 months after we quit coming to Juvie we were contacted by the supervisor and asked why we weren't coming in. So, we told him there seemed to be a lack of interest by the staff personnel. We were asked what it would take to get us back in there. We told them the program as it was wasn't working. They asked what we wanted, and what it would take to get us back. A new program was born.

Instead of Michael & I and Earnie visiting in the Pods we asked to try some one-on-one work with the kids. For a couple of years now we've been going in every two weeks. We meet in one of the intake rooms, small, but enough space for our purpose. The program is done with hand picked kids who meet with Harlow, Michael and I, and the staff psychologist. On an average day we see 3-4 kids, depending on who the staff decides need the dog. Harlow is a very soft, affectionate compliant dog, much different from Earnie who tended to be more playful. On some days--and this is one of them--we see some amazing interactions. Today the first young man was in tears when he entered the room. We toss a blanket on the floor where the kids can sit and snuggle with Harlow. Within 5 minutes the tears stopped. He was hugging Harlow who seems to know just what these kids need from her.
We chatted about Harlow and his dogs. He left the room a lot happier than when he entered. The second young man was one of the almost miraculous experiences we see from time to time. As he entered the room, we introduced Harlow, and told him he was welcome to sit on the floor with her. He opted to stand--he wasn't comfortable with sitting. Harlow strolled over and leaned on him. He began telling us how he had a special connection with animals. Within 5 minutes with no coaching from us, he sat next to Harlow, petting her while he talked to us. Harlow had her paw on his leg while he petted. The more he petted, the more he came out of his shell. Harlow kept a paw on his leg the whole time we were there. These are the reactions that keep us going.
Another special day, indeed.

The Adventure dogs!
Earnie, CGC, TDI, TDIA, TDIAOV, PFTD, SD
Porkchop PFTD, CGC, TDIA OV
Burton PFTD, CGC, TDI
Harlow, SD, PFTD Therapy Dog, CGC, TDI, and DLAATD
Living In SW Washington With
Scotty & Michael Richardson, OF

April 8, 2009

Happiest Girl In The *HOLE* USA

After writing yesterdays post I headed to the living room and noticed that both Burt [trouble #1] and Harlow [trouble #2] wanted out onto the upper deck. Burt walked 4 miles with me that morning. Harlow and I had done a 2 hour hospital visit the same morning. They were tired, I reasoned and just wanted to enjoy the all too rare WA sunshine. Beat me with another stupid stick. Co-incidentally my *wonderful* wife,
Michael was in the air on her flight home from Las Vegas where she didn't win any money. Now it gets strange, but for once I don't have to stretch the truth. Dang. I had gotten seated, reading a novel for no more than 10 minutes. I turned to look out the window at the dogs.

Uh-oh! Not there----! So I rushed out to see what the miscreants were up to this time. I called Burt. Joy of joys, he romped right up to me. No trouble there. I called Harlow. No Harlow. Uh-oh! As I walked down the stairs to the patio I spotted her **inside** the fenced off flower beds. She had managed to get in there, but was trapped. I also noticed a rather large, basketball sized *hole* smack in the middle of Michael's exotic wild plants. Huh? Harlow has never dug a hole! I pulled a section of fence to rescue her and immediately checked the front paws for evidence. Clean. No dirt under the claws. Hmmmm. I replaced the fence and sighed "mom will be home in an hour or so".
This gets spooky. Harlow got the FRAPS [Frenetic Random Activity Periods] big time. Looped the yard lickety-split, charged up the stairs, into the house, ricocheted off the love seat, across the living room and settled on the couch. She was sooooo happy. A close friend perhaps put perspective on the reason the dogs were such PITAs
during Michael's absence. Remember Junior High? Remember the poor substitute teachers we had occasionally? Remember how the classroom changed into a den of sadists picking on this hapless soul??? Yeah, YOU did it too. We all did! She thinks the strange behavior of the dogs due to the changes in thier "pack". Works for me. I do have to wonder how much Harlow understood of "mom's coming home"? Could a dog
sense her getting near PDX? Twilight Zone music here.

A few minutes later I left to pick Michael up at PDX. Earnie and Harlow rode shotgun. The ***re-union** was amazing. Harlow went nuts and stayed that way all the way home and into the house. We once thought of Harlow as a one person dog. Not so, that's for sure.
Earnies blindness didn't affect his enthusiasm, either. His big 'ol nose was in over drive and he was in full butt wiggle mode. Burt, waiting at home was thrilled to see mom. Porkchop, however was just plain pissed -- and turned her head away from Michael. Porkchop came around, though. Hard to stay mad at mom!

Now that *hole*! I mentioned it to Michael on the way home and she said it was already there, that a cat had dug it. My mental picture of a cat big enough to dig a hole that size said "cougar". Gad. Once Michael checked out the hole she had to admit it had been enhanced. Plus next to the hole was one of Porkchop's beloved tennis balls. Likely Harlow was burying it when I caught her. Harlow loves to hide her mom's tenny balls. Can't hide 'em in the house. Porkchop has a great nose. So---bury 'em? Harlow is fast
becoming a member of the Brat Pack.

Harlow [I'll bury this ball so deep Porkchop'll NEVER find it!]
Burt [I was innocent. For once.]
Earnie [Mom smells sooooo good!]
Porkchop [Leave me will ya. Now you can woo me back. I'm pissed!]

The Adventure dogs!
Earnie, CGC, TDI, TDIA, TDIAOV, PFTD, SD
Porkchop PFTD, CGC, TDIA OV
Burton PFTD, CGC, TDI
Harlow, SD, PFTD Therapy Dog, CGC, TDI, and DLAATD
Living In SW Washington With
Scotty & Michael Richardson, OF